


Push

by pleasereadmeok



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M, Sappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4243689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasereadmeok/pseuds/pleasereadmeok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Maybe we should talk about what’s been happening with you?  Alicia is there something you need to tell me?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Push

**Author's Note:**

> If this looks familiar to you - you are right. This was the original version of 'Hunger'. Originally I had this different story line when Finn comes back to Chicago (oops - what a giveaway). In the end I dismissed it as being a bit unrealistic and I could never get the ending right but someone who shall be nameless (Perfect!) persuaded me to post this . You will have to suspend your disbelief and just go with it and forgive the sickly, sweet, saccharin ending. I never did get the ending right.

“Stupid…stupid!”

Canning was only there for 10 minutes but Alicia thought he would never leave. She barely heard anything he said because she was still preoccupied with Finn’s leaving.

When Alicia was alone at last she thought over what Finn had said. “There’s … _something_ between us.” He was right - there was ‘something’ but now they would never have the opportunity to explore what that ‘something’ was. There was friendship but also an attraction, chemistry, _something_. “Stupid. Why didn’t I say something to make him stay? Anything.” Alicia had been elated because of the success of their first case together but now, after Finn left, she was empty. She had a terrible feeling that she would never see him again. It felt final.

On Monday morning Alicia went to Finn’s office to persuade him to stay as her partner. She would just have to be grown up about the situation and make sure that nothing happened between them. Not that it was likely to happen now, if he was with his wife again. It was out of the question now. 

When Alicia stepped into Finn’s office, everything had gone. Just furniture remained. All of his books, photographs, papers, computer – all gone. She didn’t understand and didn’t want to contemplate the meaning of his empty office. She had thought Finn had meant he was just leaving the partnership – leaving her - maybe he was leaving more than that? Alicia felt sick. 

A torn scrap of paper was under the desk with writing on it she recognised. Finn’s writing. Staring at it Alicia felt it was the saddest memento – the only thing left of their … their what? Friendship? Mutual attraction? Non-starter relationship? She picked up the piece of paper like it was a treasure she had found and put it in her pocket.

 

Alicia summoned up every last bit of courage she had to ring the doorbell of Finn’s apartment. She was expecting the worst – that he had moved out of there too. 

The Finn that answered was not a man Alicia recognised. His handsome face had 2 or 3 days of beard and he was wearing torn jeans and an old grey sweatshirt. Before he could speak she blurted out, “Someone in your office said you were leaving Chicago. Were you even going to say goodbye to me?!” She tried to hide her distress but it was impossible.  
“I…. maybe…” He bit his lip and wouldn't look her in the eye, “… No. I couldn’t.”  
“OK then. Well at least that’s honest. I’ll go.” Alicia turned away and felt the pin picks of tears starting to form.  
“Alicia!” Finn followed her out and caught hold of her arm. He noticed her swollen eyes. “I’m sorry.”  
“I need to go!”  
“Alicia don’t go – come in. Have a drink. Come inside – I haven’t packed the bottles yet.”

The apartment was full of boxes, labelled, ‘Study’, ‘Kitchen’, ‘Books,’ ‘Stuff’. Finn’s life in boxes. Alicia put her hand over her mouth and tried not to cry as his back was turned to pour a drink.  
“Here – drink this.” The watery eyes were obvious to him. “I’m so sorry. I was being a coward. I should have called you at least. Come on – let’s sit.” He cleared a space on the sofa. He smiled to himself remembering another time and another sofa. Alicia remembered it too.

“I decided things might be easier if I went back to New York. I’m moving back in with my wife and son.”  
“I see.” Alicia nodded. _That’s it then._ “When do you go?”  
“Tomorrow.”  
Alicia’s hand went up to her mouth again and she got up to leave. “Well good luck then.” She choked out.  
“Alicia, come here. Let me give you a hug - to say goodbye to a friend.” He smiled weakly at her.

Finn’s sweatshirt was soft under her fingers as Alicia hugged him. As he pulled away, she turned her face up to his and kissed him lightly on the lips. His hand stroked her cheek and he kissed her back. But this was not a goodbye kiss between friends. This was a tender kiss between lovers. As they kissed each other there was no mistake – this was a proper kiss. They both started breathing a little more heavily as the kiss became more passionate. Finn's stubble burned Alicia’s face but she didn’t care. They were both getting carried away in the moment and the wonderful feeling of touching each other at last. Alicia’s fingers curled into his hair and her other hand found the flesh of his back under his sweatshirt. Finn’s hand followed suit – moving up under her shirt to her skin, his free hand slid down over her butt and pressed her close against him. His hard erection was obvious. Alicia’s hand slipped down to the zipper of his jeans but then he stopped kissing her abruptly and pushed her away. 

“No! I can’t do this.” Finn backed away from Alicia shaking his head. “I should never have let you in. I can’t. This was what I was afraid of.”  
“Finn – we both know that was…”  
He shook his head again and said firmly, “That was a goodbye kiss that just got out of hand. That’s it.”  
“Finn it was more than that and you know it.”  
“No. I’m not going to have secrets from my wife.”  
Alicia was shocked and angry at the change in him. “OK – well you tell her it was just a goodbye kiss – tell her I started it, that it was all my fault, but we both know that’s a lie!”  
“You have to leave now.”  
“That’s IT! You’re throwing me out!”  
“I need you to go. Please.” He pleaded with her.

Alicia rushed out of Finn’s apartment and the tears came. She was so hurt and humiliated as she ran from his door. How could he deny what just happened? “Bastard!” 

Finn slumped back on the sofa feeling like he’d slapped Alicia’s face. He had made it seem like she was to blame and wholly mistaken about what had happened. It was such a shitty thing to have done to her. He wanted to call her – but wouldn’t that make things worse? Maybe this way was cleaner? This way all she would remember of him was his appalling behaviour. No. He couldn’t leave it like that. Finn reached for his phone.

“Alicia come back please. I’m so sorry. I need to explain.”  
“What’s the point?”  
“Please. I need you to know that this is about my son. I have to do this for my son.”  
The revelation hit Alicia like a bullet and she understood immediately. Finn was getting back together with his wife for the sake of his son. Of course, he would do anything for his son – even compromise his own happiness.

 

Finn’s forehead dropped to rest on Alicia’s. “That was such a horrible thing to do to you.”  
“It was - but I get it. I understand.”  
“I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m such a coward.”  
“Finn – I kissed you. It was a goodbye kiss that I tried to make into something more.” She cared enough about him to let him off the hook. “I really do understand. You need to make it work with your wife – for your son’s sake.” He nodded. “I really hope it works out for you. But if it doesn’t – you know where I am.”  
“I don’t deserve your friendship.”  
“You deserve much more than just my friendship, but I guess it’s not meant to be.”  
“God this is such a mess. All I want to do is take you to bed and make you happy. I want to be with you so much but if we…” Alicia wanted the same, more than anything, but she knew that would make parting even harder.  
“I know. Finn - I mean it, we’ve been through a lot together, I will always be your friend if you need me.”  
“Thank you.”

 

Later, when Alicia was in bed trying to sleep, she imagined what might have happened if Finn had not stopped kissing her. She remembered the burn of his stubble – waking her up to how she felt about him at last. Too late. If only it had been any other woman except his wife – she would have done anything to take him back. But Alicia could never ‘win’ at the cost of Finn's son – she wouldn’t want to do that. And yet she thought about his hands on her skin – his soft, hungry lips as they kissed. She imagined his hands unhooking her bra and stroking her breasts, his fingers and tongue, having him inside her – she was driving herself mad with the thought of what could have happened. If only she had been ‘free’. If only she had ‘pushed’ it earlier. _It’s such a fucking waste!_ She couldn’t sleep – every thought was of Finn. Alicia came to a decision and got dressed.

Finn was lying on his sofa, wide-awake, going over and over what might have been when his doorbell rang.  
“Alicia!”  
“I’m sorry, so sorry. This is so selfish of me. I know it will make things harder for both of us but if I’m never going to see you again… Just once then I promise I’ll let you go.”  
Finn took her hand and pulled her inside his apartment.

They didn’t get as far as his bedroom the first time. The table in Finn’s hallway was exactly the right height. He swiped the contents on to the floor, lifted her onto the table, pulled down her underwear and unzipped his jeans in what seemed like one easy move. Alicia wrapped her legs around his back and eased him into her body. It was desperate, frantic and exciting as he pushed in and out of her. Her body arched back as he kissed her face, her throat and ripped her shirt open to kiss her collar-bones and shoulders, buttons flying in every direction. Finn came first and pulled away to get his fingers inside her and his tongue on her clit until she followed, her body, gripping onto his fingers until he eased them out. “You taste so good.” 

Finn was so hungry for more he didn’t give Alicia time to recover before he was down on her again taking slow licks deep into her. Her fingers were pulling at his hair urging him on as he sucked her clit and circled with his tongue. “Finn. Oh god.” She came quicker this time groaning his name as he got her there. He pulled off the rest of her clothes before she could protest. Alicia didn’t want to protest – she was loving every second of this. He was sucking at her breasts like he was going to eat them. Biting at her nipples while she grabbed at his cock – getting harder as she stroked up and down the shaft. His mouth found hers with a scent she recognised on his lips, his face covered in her wetness. They kissed again - eating each other until they couldn’t breathe. Her fingers worked quickly and firmly, stroking and slicking over the wet, sensitive tip of his cock until he jerked against her and the warm liquid trickled over her thigh. 

“Bed – let’s get to the bed.” Alicia breathed. Finn pulled her faster than she could move with her panties catching around one of her ankles. They giggled as he dropped down to her feet and ripped them off her. On the bed they wrestled each other for who went on top but in the end he willingly let her win so he could see her astride him – circling her hips to feel him deeper inside and her breasts bouncing with each movement of her body. Alicia slowed down when he was close – making him wait until she was ready. She touched her clit to speed things up but Finn slapped her fingers away to be replaced by his. He pushed his large hand firmly low down on her stomach so he could thrust against her g spot as she moved on top of him. The timing was perfect. The first contraction of her orgasm around his cock was too much and he came at the same time. 

Instead of lying quietly to recover they rolled over - Alicia’s arms were stretched up above her head as Finn bit her neck, bruising her, branding her. She writhed and groaned underneath him, her hard nipples rubbing against his chest and he was ready again, pushing into her until she screamed, “Oh god yes, yes! Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” After they both came again they lay on their backs panting to get their breath back. 

They had got rid of the explosive, pent up hunger for each other and now they could unwind the tight coils of need they felt for each other. The frantic sex turned into tender loving making with soft touches, murmuring whispers and blissful orgasms.

Eventually they lay cuddling and were able to talk.  
“I’m so sorry I’ve made things worse by coming here.”  
“I’m glad you came. I was just lying in the sofa trying to stop myself jumping in the car and coming to you. I don’t regret anything.”  
“But now you have to tell lies and I know you’ll hate that.” Alicia saw the tension return to Finn’s face. “I know you don’t want secrets from your wife but you mustn't tell her. She’d never forgive you.”  
“Forgive me for cheating on her - I know. With Lizzie it’s nice, familiar…” Alicia realised that he was talking about sex with his wife and it felt like a knife in her gut. “…sorry I shouldn’t be telling you this but as familiar and comfortable as it is – I’ve always felt like I was cheating on you – which is ridiculous I know. We’ve never even touched each other really – it could have all been in my head.”  
“It wasn’t just in _your_ head. I feel so stupid that I didn’t do anything about it sooner. I was thinking earlier about sitting next to you on the sofa in your office. What if I hadn’t got scared and left? Or if I’d been free from Peter? We might have been together now.”  
“Don’t. We can’t think about that now. We’re together now, tonight.”  
“But only until you leave tomorrow – or is it today already? Then I’ll have to let you go. Will you stay in touch?”  
Finn bit his lip and Alicia knew that he wouldn’t. “Honestly – no. It would be too painful for both of us.”  
“Maybe I should go now and not prolong the agony?”  
“No, not yet.” And they made love one last time.

 

_6 months later…_

“Finn?”  
“Alicia.” Finn looked shocked to see her. “Hey.” He said tentatively.  
“Oh my god Finn. What are you doing in Chicago?”  
“Um. I moved back a few weeks ago.”  
“Why… how…why didn’t you call me?”  
“Well I heard about the divorce and I didn’t want to, you know, complicate things.”  
“Finn it’s so good to see you. I can’t believe you’re here. Let’s meet up for a drink later and we can talk. It would just be so nice to catch up.”  
"I think we should."

They agreed to meet at eight in one of their regular bars. Alicia was so nervous she could hardly breathe. She was dying to know what had happened with his ex-wife. She was worried that she might be responsible if they had split up again. But Finn had been ‘home’ for weeks and not contacted her. Maybe he hadn’t come back for her.

“So are you back for good?”  
“Yes.”  
Alicia could barely contain her optimism but tried not to seem too needy. “Where are you working?”  
“Private practice. I set up on my own again. I’ve still got some of my old clients and I’m handling some New York client’s interests here in Chicago.”  
“I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other around the court. Finn, have you been deliberately avoiding me?”  
“Honestly, yes. Look the way we left things – I didn’t want to assume that we would just pick up where we had left off. When I came back from New York, I found out about the divorce and I…was worried how it would look for you if I turned up on your doorstep. I didn’t want to cause you trouble – so I decided not to push it and wait. I’m good at waiting.”  
“Finn you could never cause me trouble. Didn’t it occur to you that I might need your support?”  
“Yes of course. But Peter hates me – I just didn’t want him to use me as another reason to hurt you. I really wanted to contact you, to explain, but like I said – I didn’t want to push it."  
Loud music started up and they could hardly hear each other speak or think straight. Finn shouted something in Alicia’s ear that she didn’t hear. He threw money on the bar to settle up and led her outside.  
“I said let’s go for a walk!”

A park by the lake was still open and well lit so they strolled through the trees. When they were away from other people Alicia placed her small hand in his as they walked and talked.  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”  
“It just wasn’t working. It was making us both unhappy and Patrick was starting to notice so it had to stop.”  
“I’m so sorry it didn’t work out for you. Are you and Lizzie OK though? I mean … I’m not sure what I mean.”  
“We’ve worked it out. We both agree it was a mistake. Patrick is the one I worry about – but I still see him regularly. So I guess, yes, we’re OK now.”

They stopped and looked out at the lake, surrounded by tall buildings yet somehow peaceful at night.  
“I missed you so much.” Alicia squeezed Finn’s hand. He lifted her hand and touched it with his lips and then smiled at her.  
“Me too. I thought about you every day – I’m just so sorry that I put you through all that. Do you think you can forgive me? Do you think maybe we could ‘push’ it again and try and figure out what this relationship is? Or would you prefer to just leave it alone?”  
Alicia wanted so much to say ‘yes’ but there was a more pressing matter that was holding her back. “I … I don’t know what to say.”

Finn looked at her seriously. “Maybe we should talk about what’s been happening with you? Alicia is there something you need to tell me?” Finn raised his eyebrows in that way he did and waited for Alicia to tell him.  
“I …” She was flustered and didn’t know how to begin.  
“Maybe you should start by telling me about this?” He placed a hand gently on her swollen belly. “I noticed as soon as I saw you.” Alicia had mistakenly thought her loose shirt would hide the obvious truth. “Is this a good thing … or a bad thing?” He did not want to assume.  
“It’s good – I hope.”  
“Is it mine?”  
“Of course it is.”  
A slight flicker of a smile passed over his lips that grew into a bright, proud grin. “I guess we weren’t exactly careful were we? Were you going to tell me about it?”  
“I hadn’t decided. I was worried that it would wreck your reconciliation with your wife.”  
“Alicia I understand – it’s been pretty messed up. I’m just glad I know now. Who else knows about it? Peter?”  
“No. Actually I haven’t told anyone yet. I’ve been having so many tests because of my age that I’ve never felt confident enough that it’s really going to happen – so I haven’t told anyone.”  
“But are you OK? Is the baby OK?”  
“Yes. We’re fine. Honestly – we’re both OK.”

“This must have been so difficult on your own. I just wish I could have been here for you. But I’m here now – if you want me to be.”  
“Of course I want you to be. And it hasn’t really been difficult. Sure the tests were a bit scary but having the baby to focus on was good for me. It was like part of you was still with me and that made things easier. But I don’t want you to feel… I don’t know… that you have to be involved if you don’t want to.”  
Finn started to laugh. “Just so we are clear. This is the best thing that has happened to me in six months. It’s wonderful news. I get a chance to get it right this time. You’re stuck with me now. I’m not going anywhere. I promise to be here for you and the baby. Are we clear now?” She searched his face for the answer to her unspoken question. _“Do you just want me because I'm expecting your child?”_ She took a deep breath and said it out loud.  
“Yes but I don’t want you to be with me just because of the baby.”  
Finn exploded with laughter this time. “Alicia you haven’t got any clue how I feel about you have you?! Don’t you remember that night? Were you in any doubt what I wanted? I want to be with you – baby or not. Is that OK with you?”  
Alicia nodded and smiled, her question had been answered. “Yes, that’s more than OK.”  
“Right then. I think we should celebrate – don’t you?”  
“I can’t drink.”  
“There are other ways we can celebrate.”  
Alicia giggled. “God I really missed you.” 

 

They managed to stop giggling just long enough to find positions in bed that were comfortable and satisfying for them both.  
Later on Finn laughed. “I think we might be traumatising the baby.” He pulled back the sheets and slid down to kiss Alicia’s belly. “Hey there beautiful baby bump.” The baby chose that moment to kick and he felt it on his lips. “Jeez our kid is going to be a kick boxer!”  
“Talk to her, she needs to get used to your voice.”  
“Her?” He smiled.  
Alicia matched his smile and nodded. Finn introduced himself to his daughter. “Hi I’m Finn and I’m your daddy. I promise to love you and look after you and your mommy – so please don’t kick me any more.” He kissed the bump once more and pulled himself level with Alicia – then backtracked down again. “I forgot to say - sorry about the sex. You’ll have to get used to that. Now I suggest you shut your eyes really tight and stick your fingers in your ears because mommy and daddy are going to do it again!”

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I'm not happy with the ending because the story isn't finished? I dunno - maybe I'll add to this if I have time.


End file.
